"______"

Plump little fingers dive repeatedly into a microwave safe dish of artificially-flavored popcorn. Occasionally, a stray will catch a ride on the way down to the bowl, wrapped around a puckered knuckle. It migrates from one butter-coated finger to the next, from one hand to another, there among the exploded kernels. Then it makes the short return journey to one or another set of equally plump, equally butter-coated lips.

Mr. And Mrs. ______ and the lovely ______ children (one each, a boy and a girl) are sitting on the sofa, eyes riveted to the television. The ______ family dog reclines at their feet, waiting for an errant morsel to fall. Outside, high-tension powerlines hum carcinogenically. Somewhere nearby, a shiny new riding mower is started up and makes its first pass across a lawn half the size of a tennis court.

All is well.

On the television, the commercials (BIG, BIG SAVINGS!!!) are over for the moment, and coverage of the war resumes. A correspondent, reporting via satellite, appears on the screen. His teeth are impossibly white, his hair immaculate. He begins to say something about troop morale when the sound of incoming fire is heard. Suddenly, his head vanishes in a mist of blood, bone fragments and brain tissue. A crimson blossom blooms from the stump of his neck and withers before the picture is quickly replaced by a message:

"Gosh!" Daughter ______ says, through pale cheeks stuffed like those of certain burrowing rodents.

"They sure know how to make things look realistic nowadays," Mother ______ remarks.

"Yeah," Junior ______ adds, "they use these bladders full of cow blood and guts and stuff."

Mother ______'s hand hesitates slightly on its next ascent to her mouth, but only for a moment.

The ______ family dog, who has had a little too much popcorn, waddles over to his favorite spot, hindered somewhat by his swollen left testicle, and empties the contents of his stomach on the deep shag carpet.

The message about:


is replaced by the image of a young man seated in a wheelchair. He focuses his gaze so that he seems to be looking each member of the ______ family directly in the eye. He begins to speak, saying-

"Let's see what else is on," Father ______ says, reaching for the remote control. Covered in butter, it slips out of his grasp like a bar of soap, and is retrieved by Junior ______, who begins clicking absently through the various channels:

. . . riots continue in downtown (click) . . . the controversy over (click) . . . her nude body was discovered (click) . . . you can't support the troops without (click, click) . . . young reporter's tragic death (click, click, click) . . . brethren! Jesus! (click, click!) . . . victim of a drunk driver (click! click!) . . . see what else is on . . . (click! click! click! click! click! click!) . . . and into this wheelchair (click! click!) . . .

"Hey, wait! Back up there a little bit, son!" Father ______ says.

. . . call attorney . . .

"No, the other way!" Father ______ directs - "okay - there!"

The television depicts an obese family seated before a television on which is depicted an obese family seated before a television on which is depicted an obese family seated before a television on which . . .

Father, mother, two children (one each, a boy and a girl) and a dog, bathed in the pale glow of the screen, eating popcorn. This lasts only a moment before the picture is replaced by a message:


"Gosh!" Daughter ______ says, exhausting her vocabulary.

"Looked kinda boring," Mother ______ says.

"Didja see them fat slobs?" Junior ______ asks.


"Ready for some more popcorn?" Father ______ says, picking up the depleted bowl and heading toward the kitchen.

He gets halfway there, but suddenly grabs his chest. He staggers and collapses in front of the television on which the message:


has begun to flash on and off.

Father ______ slowly begins to turn a lovely shade of blue as the ______ family dog happily licks the butter from his fingers.


  ¶ 1:29 PM